


A simple man

by yellowpeach



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Castiel, Betaed, Chubby Dean Winchester, Complete, Fluff, Has art!, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mistaken Gender, Mpreg, Omega Castiel/Alpha Dean Winchester, mentions of overdose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:20:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpeach/pseuds/yellowpeach
Summary: After struggling with life, Dean travels back to his hometown for his brother's wedding. He hasn't visited the place for years, because of a certain man that he doesn't want to meet. Not because anything had happened with him, but because he isn't someone that Dean can have.





	1. Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean groaned when the light hit his eyes. He slammed his hand against his head with too much force, causing him to yelp a bit. Fuck. He could barely remember what had happened the night before. When he opened his eyes, he was pretty glad he didn’t remember. The hotel room was trashed. Well, not too trashed, but it was smelling like booze and...was that vomit on the carpet? That was going to cost him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by Diminuel (jesus, it's amazing) and betaed by MAPMonstersArePerceptions (which made a huge difference, thank you <3). This story is for the Bottom Cas Big Bang.

 

 

 

 

A harsh wind blew the umbrella off of _his_ hand. It made an awful sound as it cracked onto the branches of a tree. _His_ hair was starting to cling to _his_ forehead, but _he_ didn’t bother to wipe it off. As _he_ stood there, right before Dean, covered in water, Dean knew what he had to do. It was his time to leave. He couldn’t bear to let _him_ see him like this, looking like a lost child, who had no idea where to go. And it was true. So very true that it scared Dean, and made him want to leave even more than before.

 

“The train is leaving soon,” _he_ said, finally wiping the hair out of his face. Dean looked at the clock, and then at the train. He took his duffle bag off of the muddy ground, and flung it onto his shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry about the umbrella.”

 

That was the last thing Dean said to _him_ in many, many years.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean drummed the car wheel as he sped on the motorway. _The Eye of the Tiger_ was blasting through the speakers, and Dean loudly sang along with it. It was the end of summer, and the sun was shining brightly. He had black sunglasses on to protect him from the shine, so he could actually drive. He had had a different pair on when he had left but had to change them in the middle of the road. The pair he had been wearing had been for an ad, but even though they were expensive as fuck, they didn’t work as they promised to. It was all for a show. Dean was pretty sure that there were already hundreds of pictures of him wearing them as he left from the city.

 

As long as the magazines didn’t talk about his expanding waistline, he was good. Dean gritted his teeth at the thought. He knew he had skipped a couple of gym dates, but that was because he didn’t have anything major going on. The last movie he had featured in had been completed at least three months ago, and he had figured he could use some down time. Of course, that also meant that his shape wasn’t going to be as ripped as it usually was, but he didn’t care. Well, he did care, quite a lot. When some dirty gossip magazine had commented about it, Dean had shattered at least twelve plates.

 

He shook his head as he noticed that his phone was ringing. Quickly, Dean turned the music down, so he could hear the caller talking. He glanced at his phone, seeing the name “Sammy” on the screen. He placed his hands-free into his ear and pressed the green button on it.

 

“Hey there Sammy, how’s it going?” Dean asked grinning, and let one hand lean out the window, as the other one turned the wheel.

 

 _“Dean, where are you? You should’ve been here an hour ago,”_ Sam said, a bit stressed. Dean could hear him walking around.

 

“Dude, relax, I’m on my way,” he promised sighing. “A couple of paparazzis just got in my way, alright? I’m going to be there in an hour”

 

_“Dean.”_

 

Dean groaned at his little brother’s desperate voice, and just knew that his brother looked like someone had killed his puppy.

 

“Sam, I promise you, I’m going to be there soon,” he said, the enthusiasm was gone from his voice. He knew he shouldn’t be taking things lightly at the moment. He should be humble and lay low, but he couldn’t do that. He was Dean Winchester, a man who was never humble. It wasn’t his style.

 

 _“Okay. Adam wanted to say hi, but he needed to get his hair fixed.”_ Sam told him, making Dean smile again. He wanted to say something snarky about the situation, but he couldn’t.

 

“Yeah? How’s the little brat doing?” the alpha with the sunglasses asked.

 

_“As good as he can. He’s nervous, I can tell.”_

 

Adam, their little brother, was getting married in a few hours. Dean felt sorry for not being able to meet his alpha before the wedding, because hell, he should have met him long ago. He was Adam’s big brother after all. He needed to make sure that the guy was good enough for him. For Dean’s standards, no one was good enough for his little omega brother. And when it came to Adam, the boy was young, so, very young and naive. Only twenty, and already tying the knot with someone. And from what he had heard, the other guy was much older than him.

 

“He should be. He’s only 20, he has no idea what life is really like. He can’t even go to a fucking bar,” Dean said, a bit venomously. He felt the need to protect Adam from the world. He had been away for so long, the last time he had seen Adam was six months ago, and he hadn’t heard anything about his fiance. He had gotten the invite to the wedding only a few days ago. It had hurt him a little because nobody had told him anything, but he was still going to the wedding. Nothing was going to make him pass his brother’s wedding. Nothing.

 

 _“Adam’s a tough one, he knows what he’s doing. It’s his day, and I don’t want you here to make him doubt it, ok? He wants this, more than anything.”_ Sam said. _“And Dean, to be fair, can you really question him about his choices? You know, six months ago you were -”_

 

“I know. But let’s not do this today. Like you said, it’s his day.” Dean interrupted before Sam could finish his words. He didn’t need a reminder of what had happened back then. His happy mood was long gone now, and he needed to get it back before the wedding. He wanted to show everybody that he was fine. Hell, more than fine. He was living the best life. Dean Winchester’s life.

 

_“Okay. See you at home, bitch”_

 

“Jerk”

 

Home. Was it really Dean’s home anymore? The last time he was there, he had been eighteen, and now, he was almost thirty. Dean ended the call, and the song started playing again. But Dean wasn’t feeling it anymore, so he changed it. He let the new song take him away from his poisonous thoughts.

 

_I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah_

_Two hundred degrees_

_That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit_

_I'm traveling at the speed of light_

_I wanna make a supersonic man out of you_

_Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time_

_I'm having a ball_

**_Don't stop me now_ **

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Adam had always been quite lively. He never let anything hold him back, not even when he presented as an omega. It had been a big shock to the family at the time because everyone had expected him to be a beta. Adam didn’t exactly… fit in to the traditional role of an omega. Sure, he was pretty and tiny, but he had a loud personality. Sometimes he struggled with the way he was because people liked to tell him what he should do. “What a proper omega should do”. And whenever Adam called Dean, he ranted about them and told him that he would change the way people saw omegas. It always made Dean smile.

One time when Adam called, he had been pretty upset. He had seen a movie that Dean had starred in, and it hadn’t exactly pleased his little brother. Because the movie, well, had been very traditional. Dean had been the big, bad alpha, and the omega, Lisa, had been a weak, little omega. She couldn’t do anything, only cried and let Dean’s character take care of her. On top of that, the movie had promoted brands that were known of their sexism. Adam had made Dean promise that he would never, ever, act in a movie like that again. And he didn’t.

Seeing Adam standing there, on the aisle, close to the altar, made him feel a bit weirded out. He looked very much like a “normal omega”. He was wearing white, and the alpha that was standing in front of him…he was wearing black, like a traditional alpha. Big, strong and didn’t show many emotions. Adam, on the other hand, was beaming. Dean put his sunglasses back on, even though it was a bit rude. He was smiling, but it was the same smile he gave to cameras. Quietly, he looked around the church.

The church they were in was the same church they used to go to on Sundays. Dean used to fight it, but then he met someone. A boy, who always was there on Sundays. As he looked at the front row, he felt a more realistic smile rise up. It was funny how the brain worked, it was like Dean was seeing the boy in the front row, like back in the day. He found himself staring at the guy’s back, not daring to look away. His mind wandered around as he kept looking.

 

_“Shh, Dean, come on”_

 

 _Dean grinned at his brother, and continued to tickle his youngest brother, Adam. The little toddler was laughing happily on his lap._ _Then he got a hit on the head._

 

_"Ow!", he exclaimed and rubbed the back of his head where his step-mother had hit him._

 

_"Dean, behave", Kate Winchester hissed quietly. She didn't like it when her sons talked in Sunday church, and she always made it clear. The woman took Adam and started to calm him down._

 

_"Geez, Kate. Ok, I get it", Dean muttered quietly and played with the Bible in his hands._

 

_A couple of people had turned around to see who was making all the noise, and Dean wanted to sink further in his seat. He didn't want to disturb the talking priest too much. Not that he really cared for him. All he cared for was what his son thought._

 

_Dean raised his head, so he could see the boy again. He was sitting in the front row, but on the side, so Dean could see the side of his face. His eyes were glued on the Bible, like always. Or not always, occasionally he looked at his talking father. There was a big mosaic window right above him, and light was shining through it. It was shining directly on the boy, complimenting his dark locks and those thick eyelashes he had above his blue eyes. He truly looked like an angel._

 

_His name was Castiel. He was a beautiful person, who never seemed to mind anything. Never talked too loud in church, or did anything to draw attention to himself, which was one of the reasons why Dean was ashamed of his actions. He was quiet, calm and reasonable. He was perfect._

 

_But most importantly, he wasn't Dean's._

_He was meant for someone else. For someone with more faith in god, for someone meaningful._

_But as Dean looked at him, it was hard to remember that he was never going to be his._

_Castiel probably didn't even know who he was. They didn't go the same school, since Castiel and his siblings were taught at home, while Dean and his brothers  were in public school._

 

_Ever since they had met, Dean had been avoiding the handsome angel. He had met him a couple of months ago, when his family had moved into the town. Kate had wanted to move, because she didn’t feel like the old house was hers as much as it was Dean’s father’s and his dead wife. They both wanted a fresh start for them and for their boys, and Dean couldn’t really blame them even though he wanted to._

 

_Sammy had a whole life in the other town, he had to say goodbye to many good friends, and Dean hadn’t wanted that. At the time, Sam had only been 12. Nothing could be done, and they soon moved to their new house, over 150 miles away from their old town. Lawrence didn’t say much to him but it was quite a shock to move from a little town in Kentucky into a large city._

 

_As they moved into the house, Castiel’s family came to welcome them to the town. They had lived there for years and knew everyone in the neighbourhood. They had brought a basket full of muffins, which was pretty nice, and a bottle of homemade honey. The Novaks, come to think of it, were pretty decent people. They were nice and caring, and surprisingly great, even though they were “devoted” to the God._

 

_And there were lots of them. Dean hadn’t met them all, but there were about twelve Novak siblings around the town. Castiel was the youngest one of them all, and he had been the first Novak Dean had met. His father, Chuck Novak, the pastor of the local church introduced the family to them. They told them that they were welcome to stop by any time, and that they were excited to have new people. His wife, Naomi, hadn’t said much, but had smiled welcoming. Dean didn’t remember much about them, because he only wanted to talk to Castiel. The dark haired boy had been the one who gave the basket to him, telling him that it was a pleasure to meet them. Dean remembers the faint smile Castiel had given him, when their eyes had met. He was wearing a blue button-up shirt, and a pair of plain black trousers, which was quite formal for a normal summer day._

 

 _Dean just knew, that when he would be older,_ _he was going to ditch the town and take Castiel with him. And that was a promise._

 

_There was only a slight problem. Castiel was going to be an alpha._

 

__

 

 

* * *

 

 

And what an beautiful alpha he was. Castiel Novak. He must be mated now, his family is deeply religious, they wouldn’t let him wait. Dean shook his head a bit. He shouldn’t be staring at the poor guy like that, he wasn’t Castiel after all. But what if he was? As soon as Dean got his hopes up again, the guy turned to look on the side. It wasn’t Castiel, who was in the front row, but rather some dude Dean had never met before.

 

Dean stopped daydreaming after the I do’s. He watched how Adam flung himself against the alpha and kissed him like his life depended on it. And for a minute, Dean was afraid that that was the case. The guy Adam was marrying did look a bit familiar. What was his name again? Dean opened the small pamphlet that was on his hands. On it, there was a picture of Adam and the alpha and a small poem. Dean didn’t bother reading it, but he looked at the guy’s name. Michael Novak.

 

Wait a goddamn minute. That must mean that Michael is one of the Novak brothers, and Castiel’s sibling.

 

So why wasn’t Castiel there?

 

-

 

“Glad to see you here son. I was afraid you wouldn’t make it.” John Winchester said, patting Dean’s shoulder roughly. He was wearing a black tuxedo, like Adam’s new husband was. it wasn’t nearly as expensive, but it was still fitting for the occasion. The wedding was very big, and beautiful, and Dean couldn’t help but wonder where Adam had found the money to arrange it. Maybe his husband, was it Michael, was loaded.

 

“No sir, I wouldn’t miss my little brother’s big day,” he grinned back and nodded to his step-mother that was standing next to his father. “Hey Kate.”

 

“Hi sweetie,” she smiled softly and hugged Dean gently. “I’m so glad you’re here. Adam was climbing up the walls the other day.” The woman laughed as she parted with him.

 

“So, you know the alpha, right?” Dean asked his parents and took a champagne glass from a waitress. Kate eyed the glass for a bit, but didn’t say anything. Dean was glad, because if she had, he would have fled the scene.

 

“Yes. He’s a good man, perfect for my baby,” the omega said happily and clutched John’s arm tighter. “It was such a wonderful thing to hear that someone like him was courting our Adam. I was starting to wonder if nobody would mate him”

 

Dean flinched a little at the comment, because he knew how independent Adam wanted to be.

 

“Well, I’m almost thirty, and I don’t have a mate,” he said as he took a sip from the glass. At this rate, it wouldn’t last for long. Kate laughed and swatted his arm gently.

 

“Honey, you’re an alpha. You have plenty of time!” She said smiling, like Dean had told her a funny joke. Dean started to wonder if Adam had finally cracked under the pressure his parents had given him, and just married the closest alpha next to him.

 

“How long did he court Adam? A few weeks?” He asked. The wedding must have been quite rushed, because Dean had only heard about the alpha a couple days ago -

 

“Oh, for almost an year! I’m so surprised that he lasted for so long, usually alphas just get what they want and…”

 

“Mom.”

 

The trio turned to look at Adam, who was standing next to them, clearly uncomfortable.

 

“Can I talk to Dean, alone?” he asked and looked pointedly at his mother. Kate nodded and kissed his cheek before dragging John away. Dean twirled the champagne glass in his hand.

 

“You could’ve called me, Adam. I almost never open my letters anymore, I might not have even known about this wedding, if my assistant hadn’t insisted me to open yours. Better yet, why didn’t you tell me about your fiance?” he asked, looking at Adam. He didn’t want to fight, but he was hurt. Adam looked down for a bit, but then raised his head.

 

“I’m sorry, Dean. But you had so much going on and I was worried about you. I didn’t want to stress you more,” he told him. “It was scary to see you lose control like you did in the big city, and I -”

 

Dean waved his hand. He really didn’t want to talk about it.  

 

“It’s alright. I understand. I’m glad I made it,” he smiled gently.

 

“Me too. It means a lot to me.” Adam grinned happily and gave his big brother a brief hug. Dean noticed that his scent had changed, but he thought that it was just because he was probably scent-bonded with his alpha.

 

Dean took another champagne glass from the waitress and offered it to his brother. He frowned when he shook his head, denying the offer.

 

“Come on, let’s drink together, to have this settled,” Dean said. “Don’t tell me that alpha of yours doesn’t want you to drink.” he laughed.

 

“It isn’t about that. I really shouldn’t.” Adam said and looked around, like he was checking where his husband was lurking.

 

“Why? You drank with me when you were only sixteen, why would you -”

 

Then it hit him. No way. He dropped the glass and yanked Adam closer, making him yelp. He pressed his nose into his neck, scenting him. Fuck. It was as clear as a day.

 

“I’m going to kill him,” Dean growled. “I’m going to fucking kill him.”

 

Adam tried to push him away, but he couldn’t make the alpha move an inch. Dean was holding his upper arm tightly in his hand.

 

“Dean, keep your voice down,” Adam whispered. Dean could scent that he was scared, but fuck, he didn’t care. He had found out the reason why they had gotten married so quickly, even though his brother was so young. And he wasn’t going to let it go.

 

“What is going on?”

 

Adam and Dean looked at the source of the voice. The blonde alpha narrowed his eyes. Michael was standing there, not happy about the way Dean was holding Adam.

 

“You fucking animal, how dare you to hurt my little brother,” Dean growled, letting go of Adam and attacking Michael. He grabbed him by the collar, holding him only a few inches away from his own face. Michael was reacting rather calmly, though Dean could feel his anger rising.

 

“What on earth are you talking about?” he asked. “I would never hurt Adam.”

 

“Fucking liar. Tell me why he is pregnant then, huh?! You just had to violate him before you even got married!?” Dean yelled, ready to start a fight. But the feeling faded soon, when he saw the look on Michael’s face. He almost looked like he was - surprised.

 

“What?” The taller alpha took Dean’s hands away from his collar, and turned to look Adam, who was rubbing his temple. “Adam?”

 

Michael got closer to the omega, scenting him gently. The realization spread on his face as soon as he put the pieces together.

 

“I was going to tell you after the wedding,” Adam said and narrowed his eyes to Dean. “I had bought a t-shirt and everything.” he groaned when Michael wrapped him into a hug.

 

“A t-shirt?” Michael asked him.

 

“Geez, why did I marry you? You haven’t watch any of those ‘surprise’ videos on Youtube? The t-shirt says ‘the world’s best dad’. I was going to videotape the whole thing and...”

 

Dean watched how his brother’s new mate stroked his back, whispering gently words to his ear. And suddenly, he couldn’t watch anymore. They were too damn happy, and it just reminded Dean of his own loneliness. Maybe that was the reason he had been so upset about Adam’s marriage. He had wanted to find out that the marriage hadn’t been because of love, but something else. Unplanned pregnancy would have been the perfect blame, and Dean had been happy for a second. Now he could blame Michael for using Adam, and make everyone believe that their marriage was just a sham. Adam was only twenty, and had a mate and a baby on the way, while Dean didn’t have anything. It disgusted Dean so much, because who would want their brother to be unhappy, just because he himself was?

 

The alpha turned on his heels, and started walking away from the wedding venue. He didn’t want to cause more pain to the newly wedded by his poisonous actions. Luckily, he knew that the feelings could be tackled by a few gulps of liquor. He couldn’t be unhappy, he didn’t have good reasons to be. Dean was going to get his car keys from the receptionist and go to the closest bar he could find.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean groaned when the light hit his eyes. He slammed his hand against his head with too much force, causing him to yelp a bit. Fuck. He could barely remember what had happened the night before. When he opened his eyes, he was pretty glad he didn’t remember. The hotel room was trashed. Well, not too trashed, but it was smelling like booze and...was that vomit on the carpet? That was going to cost him.

 

Well, something else also had cost him on the night before. Dean was pretty sure there had been a hooker, or two, in the room by the look of the sheets he was currently sitting on. Also, there was still the lingering smell of their parfyme. Fantastic.

 

Luckily, the money wasn’t exactly a problem. Sometimes it was still hard to understand that he didn’t need to worry about that kind of stuff anymore like before. When the alpha had moved out from home, he had been on a tight budget. At time to times, it had been difficult to even buy something to eat, but he still hadn’t came back home. Dean was glad for his stubbornness, because not asking money from his dad had helped him to grow intepented. Learning how to make money from nothing was one of the things that Dean was proud of.

 

Dean turned to look at the nightstand, and he was happy to notice that his phone was there. He took it in his hand while still rubbing his sore head. The phone still had some battery in it, which was pretty amazing, considering that he hadn’t charged it in almost two days. Dean hoped that nobody had noticed him leaving the wedding, but it was obvious that that wasn’t the case. He had at least 20 missed calls and 35 texts. Half of them were from Adam. Groaning, Dean got up from the bed, and called him back. It was 12:10, he must be awake already. Adam had always been a morning person.

 

The phone didn’t even ring twice, when he picked up.

 

_“Dean! Thank the fucking God! Where are you?”_

 

“Shh, Adam, Jesus. You’re killing me,” Dean cringed at Adam’s loud voice.

 

 _“Don’t shush me. Fuck you man, you don’t get to be mad at me. Where the fuck were you yesterday?”_ Adam continued, not changing his tone or loudness of his voice.  

 

“Hey hey, relax. I can explain, I promise,” Dean said sighing, knowing that he really had no excuse. He had to come up with one, and fast.

 

_“I’m so fucking pissed. Just tell me where you are, ok? I don’t want to hear your excuses. We need to talk face-to-face. Now.”_

 

“Fine. Just give me time to clean up, I just got out of bed,” he grumbled quietly.

 

_“You get half an hour. Maximum. The address.”_

 

“I’m at the small hotel next to the market. You know, the one with the -”

 

_“ - idiotic red logo with a lobster. Clean up, I’m coming.”_

 

And with that, Adam hung up. Even though it had seemed to be a great idea to leave from the wedding, Dean was starting to regret his decision. It was his brother’s important day, and he ruined it.

 

He didn’t want Adam to know about his adventures with the hookers, so he decided to quickly hop in to the shower and later ask for another room that had no evidence.

 

* * *

 

 

“What were you thinking? Dean, it was my wedding. My **wedding**! I wanted you to be there, to have fun, talk to people and I don’t know, not fucking disappear! I can’t believe you did that to me. I was scared that you were hurt. Hurt! Did you hear me? Be glad that Michael was there to calm me down, because I was this close, this close, to call the police,”

 

Adam held his fingers about an inch away from each other.

 

“At least you are okay. I was so sure that I would be coming into a fucking mess, but the room is still decent, so I guess you didn’t fuck up like you usually do,” he scoffed, looking around. Dean had gotten an another room just in time, before his little brother had barged in.

 

After yelling about fifteen minutes more, Adam was starting to get tired. He sat down on the bed next to Dean, who quietly put his arm around his shoulder, letting him close.

 

“You done?”

 

“Ye,” Adam answered, and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder.

 

“I’m sorry I left.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Can I make it up to you in someway?” Dean asked him.

 

“Yes. Come home for Christmas,” Adam said, finally calm.

 

“Christmas? Listen kid, I don’t know if I can just -”

 

“You want to make up to me? Great. Then come home for Christmas.” Adam repeated, not leaving any room for further arguments. Sighing, Dean nodded, because really, how bad could it be? Not wanting to talk about Christmas anymore, he decided to change the subject.

 

“How’s the baby?”

 

Adam’s scent quickly turned from a very sour lemon into a sweet lemonade.

 

“Ah. It’s doing great,” he said. “I have an appointment today. Michael is coming with me.”

 

“You seem to be happy about it,” Dean smiled, stroking his shoulder.

 

“I am. I really am.”

 

All the anger had washed away, and they just sat there, quietly, before Adam opened his mouth again.

 

“I’m still mad at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Look at me, posting something decent! I took a part of Bottom Cas Big Bang, and here it is (https://bottomcasbigbang.tumblr.com/). Tbh I planned this story to be a hella lot longer, but school got into the way (I am graduating in a month), and was a part of our graduating team (idk what it is in English). 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Love yah <3


	2. He isn't here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean kept his promise to Adam. Snow was covering the lanes as Dean drove to his family’s house. He was going to stay in the town for a week or so, to catch up with everyone. He was pretty excited to spend the Christmas with the Winchester’s again, even though he could have done it the past years too. He just always made lame excuses why he couldn’t come. Usually Adam and Sam came to spend time with him. Sam always made sure that Dean didn’t feel lonely right before Christmas, and Adam, well, he wanted to travel, so he always tagget along. But on this Christmas, Dean was going home.

Dean kept his promise to Adam. Snow was covering the lanes as Dean drove to his family’s house. He was going to stay in the town for a week or so, to catch up with everyone. He was pretty excited to spend the Christmas with the Winchester’s again, even though he could have done it the past years too. He just always made lame excuses why he couldn’t come. Usually Adam and Sam came to spend time with him. Sam always made sure that Dean didn’t feel lonely right before Christmas, and Adam, well, he wanted to travel, so he always tagget along. But on this Christmas, Dean was going home.

 

As he parked the car, he noticed a fancy black jaguar at the driveway too. He realized that it  must be Michael’s car. Of course the man was also going to spend Christmas with the Winchesters, since Adam was his mate. It made Dean’s blood boil, but he tried to calm himself before he went inside. The last time he had spend Christmas with his family had been ten years ago. He wasn’t going to fuck it up just because he didn’t like Michael. Maybe, just maybe, the dude was alright after all.

 

Dean got out of the car, and as soon as he had pulled the gifts out of the trunk, he heard a yell.

 

“Hey, look who is here!”

 

He turned to look at the porch, where Sam was standing along with Adam. They weren’t wearing the same christmas sweaters as they used to do when they were smaller, but they still were the most adorable things Dean had ever seen, even though Sam was a giant.

 

“You made it! De for the win!” Adam grinned and high-fived Sam so hard, that the slap echoed. What a bunch of nerds.

 

“I made a promise, didn’t I?” He asked grinning as well. He walked to the porch with some bags, and let both of his brothers give him a hug. Wow, they really missed him, didn’t they? Dean allowed himself to bask in their brotherly scent, feeling himself relax. But then he felt something, something that definitely had not been there before. He pulled away from the two.

 

“Woah.” He said, looking at Adam. He knew that he was having a baby, but now it was rather obvious. Like very, very obvious. Adam squirmed under the gaze.

 

“I know, shut up,” he sighed, “I’ve been eating well.”

 

Dean and Sam scowled to him a bit.

 

“As you should, you dork. You’re eating for two.” Dean ruffled Adam’s hair after giving two of the bags to Sam.

 

“Just get inside.” Adam mumbled, crossing his hand over his chest.

 

The house looked a lot different from the inside than before, which wasn’t very surprising, since it had been almost ten years when Dean had last visited, but still, it was just a tiny bit odd. He placed his jacket on a red chair that was next to the full rack. Kate would probably complain about it, but Dean didn’t see any other free place where he could hang his jacket on to. So to chair it goes.

 

The house wasn’t as more modern as Dean’s white, colorless, apartment. He didn’t want to admit it, but it felt more home than his current living place. But it was something to do with the scents too. All the people that he really cared about were there, and it made him smile even more. Dean started to take his scarf off.

 

“May I help you, Dean?”

 

The smile was suddenly gone. Michael was standing there, rocking some plain button-up shirt and grey pants. He clearly had no idea how to dress like a normal person, even if it was just a normal family event.

 

“Nah, I’m good.” He grinned, trying to show how totally fine he was that Michael was there.

 

“Mike, where’s your sweater?” Adam walked to the man after closing the door. “Dude, you should have seen his face when mom made him wear one of those ugly christmas sweaters that she usually makes me wear.” He said, smirking to Dean.

 

Dean could have sworn that Michael had blushed. Just a little bit.

 

* * *

 

 

After getting some wine, thank God for that, everything was starting to go smoothly. Some of their family friends from the town had came to say hi, and to see if Dean had really came back to celebrate Christmas. It had been nice to see them again, especially his godfather, Bobby.

 

After sipping more wine, Dean glanced at Adam and Michael. They were sitting together on a sofa right in front of him, laughing about some joke dad had said. Well, at least Adam had laughed. Dean wondered how did they even came to be. Adam had never been interested in alphas like Michael, not at all. He was stiff, plain and very, very traditional. Sure, they lived in the same city, but he had heard that Michael had lived somewhere else before mating with Adam. He was running some sort of a business, not that Dean knew what it was, but still, they were a weird couple.

 

“So…” Dean started, making everyone turn heads. He hadn’t talked much, only answered when somebody had asked something. Kate came back from the kitchen, sitting down next to Adam.

 

“Uh,” he stuttered, feeling some pressure, even though this was only his family. There were only five people in the room, so why did it feel so pressuring?

 

“I was just thinking about you guys. How did you meet?” He asked, pointing his glass to the youngest couple in the room. He could see from Sam’s face that this was the wrong question to ask. He coughed twice, nodding his head towards the kitchen, trying to make Dean leave with him, but it only made Dean want to hear the story even more.

 

“Hey, Dean, want a beer?” Sam asked as he got up, waiting him to do so as well.

 

“Sure, if you want to grab me one.” He said earning a grumble from his brother who went to the kitchen.

 

“Well,” Adam smiled, getting closer to Michael, “we met in a protest.”

 

“A protest?” Dean asked, raising his eyebrows. Michael didn’t look like a guy who Adam would’ve snatched from a protest.

 

“Yeah. It was at the center. I think it was about abortion, yeah?” He asked looking at his husband who nodded curtly. “Anyway, the city was trying to ban it. Of course, I was protesting against of the ban, because hell, it’s my body, you know? So, I was there, with my sign chanting something…”

 

Dean nodded too, his eyes not leaving from Michael. To be honest, he wasn’t even listening to the story anymore. The alphas just looked at each others, eyes squinting more at every second. Fuck, Dean hated that guy.

 

“...And then Mike tried to hand me this flyer about some shitty counseling. Let me tell you, I was so mad at him. He was wearing a suit, doing that whole alpha posturing thing, telling me that abortion was wrong and stuff like that. I just went off, like raged out…”

 

Hold up. Dean shook his head, focusing on Adam.

 

“...there we were, kissing, even though I was still hella mad. It was the funniest thing ever. Who would’ve thought that I would pick an alpha that practically is against all of my beliefs? Like what?” His little brother laughed, like it was the funniest thing he had ever said. It wasn’t.

 

“So, omega rights aren’t your thing? Interesting.” Dean said, feeling rather smug. Adam would never fully love a guy like that. Never. Michael was just some sort of a phase. Adam could find someone else later, even if he had a pup. Dean just knew it.

 

“He has learned a lot. I mean, I didn’t say yes until he had taken courses on how not to be a sexist.” Adam smiled, patting Michael’s knee, like he was a trained dog. Now that was funny. Michael didn’t to seem to be as amused as Dean, because his eyes were still narrowed.

 

“If I were you, I would not be laughing.” He said, leaning forward.

 

“Michael, chill.” Adam said. “Everything is alright”

 

“Adam, stay out of this. You think you can just march right here and try to bash me around for my mistakes?” Michael asked, scoffing at Dean.  

  


“Where have you been all of these months? I have been here, taking care of my family and yours, while you were probably snorting cocaine in New York like last year. You are not wanted here, can you not see that?”

  


Dean freezed. How on earth did he know about that? Dean wanted to yell at him and make him take back his words. But his eyes dropped on his Michael’s hand, which was currently protecting his little brother’s stomach, like he was afraid that Dean might attack on Adam. Every person in the room just stayed quiet. It made Dean’s heart sink. Michael seemed to be more family to them than he was. And Dean couldn’t really blame them, he knew exactly why his family didn’t trust him. Adam seemed to notice the change in Dean’s mood pretty quickly.

 

“Dean, I’m sorry. He didn’t mean it,” he said, getting up and trying to put his hand on his shoulder, but Dean swatted it away. He knew that Adam never let anyone say bad things about him and usually it made him feel better. But on this time, Dean really felt like Michael was right. He wasn’t welcome anymore.

 

“What ever. Since I’m not wanted here, I guess I’m going”

 

Sam came back to the living room from the kitchen with two bottles of beer, offering Dean one. He didn’t take it, but pushed past his other little brother, towards the door.

 

“Is everything alright? Did someone say something stupid?” He heard Sam ask from the others.

 

Moving fast, Dean just put on his shoes, and left from the house. He didn’t want to drive, he wanted to walk. He needed to get out, like always. There was some shouting in the house, probably Michael and Sam, arguing about him. The argument reminded him of the day he decided to leave. The day when everything changed, when he left from his home. It was like the old days, Sam was trying to protect him for once again.

 

 

* * *

 

**11 years ago**

 

He stared at the sky before him, arms and legs sprawled out. Dean’s head was spinning. He had dreamed about Castiel again. There was no Castiel anywhere near him. Just him and the trees. Shit. Where was he? Did he really fall asleep in the woods? How did this even happen? He pressed his hands against his face, hard. He shouldn’t be dreaming of him. It wasn’t natural. It was a dirty fantasy. Still, he couldn’t help but remembering what the dream was about.

  


_For the first time in weeks, Dean was actually studying. He was sitting on his bed, back pressed against the wall. He had a big test coming up on the following monday, and he didn’t feel like failing this time. For the past hour, his nose had been glued to the book. It was quite relieving to realize that the subject wasn’t as fucking awful as they usually were. Dean actually might like studying. But as soon as he had thought of that, somebody knocked on his door. He tried his best not to groan, and instead rubbed his face with his hand._

 

_“What? I’m studying for god’s sake!” he yelled at the door. The door was pushed open, and to Dean’s surprise, the knocker wasn’t a part of his family. At least yet._

 

_“Hey man, what’s up?”_

 

_Without answering, Castiel walked into Dean’s bedroom and flopped onto the bed right next to him. He groaned quietly and rubbed his face into the pillow. It was odd to see him like this, Dean had probably never seen him like a, well, teenager. Castiel was clearly sulking. The blonde closed the book and tossed it to the floor. This was much more interesting than philosophy._

 

_“Dude, what is it? Read something from the bible you didn’t like?” Dean grinned at his joke, even though he had said it millions of times before._

 

_Castiel didn’t turn around, and didn’t stop sulking. Dean nudged him a bit, trying to make him say at least something. The inch smaller, yes, an inch, boy turned his head to the side so he could face the other boy in the room._

 

_“I skipped the bible hour.” he finally said, and turned his head back to the pillow._

 

_“You what?” Dean asked. Castiel teached young children in the church about God and all of that shit. The bible hour was on every Friday night, and Castiel never, ever skipped it. Expect now._

 

_“Is it not what you usually say? I believe you use the word ‘skip’ quite often,” Castiel muttered into the pillow. Dean rolled his eyes and stood up. He walked to the door, to lock it on this time, because he didn’t want anybody barge into the room when Castiel was about to reveal something. It was probably something really dark like… Maybe he was summoned by a demon. That would explain the skipping._

 

_“Yeah yeah. I meant why’d you skip it?” Dean asked again, this time a little bit more clearel._

 

_“I am very tired. It might be selfish, but I cannot help it.”_

 

_Well, the answer wasn’t as dark and moody as Dean had hoped for. He sighed as he sat down on the bed and crossed his legs._

 

_“You know that’s fine, right? You are in the church about 24/7 anyway,” Dean reminded Castiel and leaned on his knee. The boy nodded._

 

_“Listen, if you are so tired, you can take a nap,” Dean told him and laid down on the bed himself. He had been this close to Castiel before, but something felt different. Castiel had never been this relaxed, or maybe he was so exhausted that he couldn’t keep the “good boy” act on. Dean rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling in before him. Suddenly he felt Castiel moving closer. What was he doing, was he -_

 

_Castiel pressed his head against Dean’s neck, and snuggled even closer to him. Dean had to take a deep breath, so he wouldn’t start screaming. This is what friends do, right? Castiel was his friend. This is perfectly normal behaviour for a couple of best buddies, right? But then Dean felt his hand moving without his will. It started to stroke Castiel’s beautiful hair, as gently as anyone could stroke it. The the hand moved onto his back, caressing it gently as well. What was he thinking?! This wasn’t normal behaviour for a couple of best buddies! Or maybe to others it was, but not to Dean, not with Castiel. Because this, this was a lot._

 

_Castiel let out a soft breath as Dean stroked him._

 

_“Thank you for always being there for me Dean,” he whispered quietly. It was hard for Dean to keep his lungs breathing steady, when he was saying things like that. No, actually, he had a whole other body part to look out for, because something was straining his jeans._

 

_“U-uh, yeah. No probs.” he struggled with the words and internally smacked himself onto the face. He never used the words “probs”, so why do it now? The reality of being with Castiel was starting to get more and more real as they spend more time together, and it was messing with his mind. It was great and terrible at the same time. Because deep in his mind, Dean knew they wouldn’t be together. Castiel was a beautiful, golden boy, he would never do sin intentionally. And being alpha-alpha pair happened to a big fucking sin._

 

_Not that Castiel had said anything about it, or the church either. But Castiel knew the bible inside out, so surely he would have read the part where alphas who liked alphas should be stoned to death. But Castiel had never talked about girls either, so he might be -_

 

_“Dean?”_

 

_“Mm?” Dean asked, but he was too focused on his own thoughts to be focusing on Castiel. Even though his thoughts were involving him, or rather, they were only about him._

 

_“I would like to ask you about something?”_

 

_“Shoot”_

 

_“What would you say, if I would tell you that I like alphas rather than omegas?”_

 

_Slowly, very, very slowly, Dean turned his head to look at Castiel. Did he really say that, or was it Dean’s wild imagination? Because it was so absurd, he was just thinking that he might have a chance with him, and now Castiel was practically coming out of the closet._

 

_“What,” Dean blurted out without thinking about it. He saw how Castiel’s facial expression changed, and he got up to sit._

 

_“Nothing. I am terribly sorry, Dean. I should not trouble you with my own problems.” he said and looked at his lap. His tiredness seemed to wash off and be replaced by doubt. Dean’s hand moved onto his thigh._

 

_“Hey man, it’s alright,” he said, “it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”_

 

_“No Dean, you must have heard me incorrectly. I like alphas, not omegas or even betas, and I have no idea why. Our town has plenty of beautiful omegas to offer, but none of them pleases me”_

 

_“Yeah? Well who would you like then?” Dean asked eagerly._

 

_“I would very much like to have someone like -”_

 

_This was it. Castiel was finally admitting his love for Dean. Yes. He had waited it forever. Everything was coming up to him, it was beautiful, it was glorious…_

 

_“- Benny. He is very lovely, and when I see him, I just…”_

 

_Yes, this was a glorious day indeed, how happy was Dean to hear that his best friend who he loved was liking someone else! Amazing! This was everything he had hoped for!_

 

_“...oh, and one day he brought me a sandwich for lunch, when I had forgotten my…”_

 

_Was he still talking about Benny? Dean wasn’t sure anymore, because he wasn’t listening. His eyes were focused on the wall, and he couldn’t move at all. Why couldn’t he like him back, why was it so hard? Fucking hell, why on hell did he have to like Benny? Dean liked Benny, he was a good friend of his, but if Castiel liked him romantically… Benny had to go. Dean was going to bury him into the backyard of their family house. Or maybe it was too close to Dean. He should bury him in the desert instead and -_

 

_“...but I have found someone even more lovely…”_

 

_Maybe he should just drown him, it would be a perfectly normal way of - hold up. What did Castiel say? Did he just? No, it couldn’t be. Dean’s eyes were on Castiel again, and the boy was looking straight at him._

 

_“...I know it sounds silly, believe me, I know. I could be mistaken, I have never had a best friend before. But Dean, what I feel for you, I do not think is normal for a best friend to feel. I feel like my heart races up everytime I see you smile. It - it is important to me that you know that I do not expect you to say anything, but I wanted you to know about my -”_

 

_Suddenly Castiel stopped from talking. Dean wondered why. This was obviously important to him, so why wouldn’t he finish his sentence? After a little while of wondering, he realized the reason. He had pushed Castiel on the bed, and kissed him. He was still kissing him, not even letting the poor guy breath. But as soon as his thoughts gaught his actions, he parted their lips. Castiel was out of breath, and looked at him shocked. His cheeks were so red that they reminded Dean of tomatoes. Now would be a good time to tell Castiel how he felt about him. Maybe spark it up a little, by praising his soft lips._

 

_“Don’t worry, the door is locked,” was the first thing Dean said. He grimaced internally to his awkward choice, this wasn’t what he had planned. Well, it did sound quite sexy and cool, so it must be fine. Actually, fuck yeah, it was a pretty qenius thing to say. Now he was ready to take his clothes off, and dive into Castiel’s beautiful -_

 

_“You have a lock in your door?”_

 

_“Yeah, don’t you?” Dean asked him, furrowing his brows. They furrowed even further, when Castiel looked away, a bit saddened._

 

_“I do not, but sometimes I do wish that I would have a lock. It is not something that I need to have, as my father says,” he smiled a little. The spark between them had flattened, and Dean wasn’t sure if he should pursue his actions or not._

 

_“You know, I could help you put one, if you want to,” Dean said, while caressing Castiel’s side. Castiel looked up smiling and reached to kiss him again, but this time, more softly. Dean wasn’t sure why a lock was something important to him, but if it made him happy, he wasn’t going to comment about it._

 

_“Thank you,” Castiel whispered against his lips, and stroked both of his cheeks. They were pressed together, and even though the mood was more on the sweet side, Dean felt hot. He wanted this, and he wanted him. So, he pressed himself even closer to him, and let his hands roam on Castiel’s body. The boy let a soft moan, and it drove Dean out of control. He was all over Castiel, kissing his every bare base. His clothes were quickly coming off. Dean helped Castiel to lose his belt._

 

But as soon as he got his belt open, Dean had jolted awake. The young man groaned as he got up. He must’ve drank too much. It was so late, and everything was dark. Only the stars gave him some light.

  


To be honest, he should’ve known that it was only a dream. Castiel hardly even recognized Dean, so why would he just suddenly burst into his room, like they went way back? The only reason why Dean knew so much about him was because, well, he was a bit of a stalker, really. Having fake conversations with Castiel didn’t sound healthy, even if it was only in his dreams.

 

He didn’t remember how he had gotten into the forest, or why. But he knew why he had been drinking. He had been spending some quality time with his friend, Benny, and things had gotten a little bit out of hands. He had confessed to the other alpha that he loved Castiel. Benny had encouraged him to tell Castiel about it, to ask him on a date. After a few curse words, Dean had hit the road with a bottle of liquor, and somehow, ended up passing out in the forest. Great.

 

As he walked further, he noticed some lights in the distance. They looked like...flashlights? Dean struggled over a couple rocks, and soon enough, the light pointed straight at his face. He groaned again and tried to cover his eyes.

 

“Dean! Dean! Thank God you are alive!”

 

Dean put his hand down to see Sam was running to him, holding his arms wide open. Sam crashed against Dean, making him almost fall over. While patting his brother’s back, he noticed someone before him. Shit, he had just dreamed about Castiel being in love with him, and there he was, holding a light towards him. It was weird. Dean could see other people too, holding flashlights in their hands. Had people been looking for him?

 

“The whole town has been looking for you,” Sam told him, as he pulled away and wiped his hair out of his face.

 

“I prayed to find you.” Castiel told him and smiled, and oh God, how Dean loved that smile. Sam let go of Dean, moving to his side, waving to the other people. Dean watched as Castiel moved closer.

 

For a second, he thought that he was going to hug him, but he didn’t. Castiel just put his arm under Dean’s armpit and across his back, making sure that he wouldn’t fall. Well, at least he was touching him. The blonde leaned heavily on the other man, excusing his actions by saying that he was lightheaded, which wasn’t exactly a lie. Slowly, he felt himself fade into the darkness.

 

* * *

 

 

“No, fuck you dad! Fuck you for not believing in me!” Dean yelled, holding his duffel bag closely to himself. He was standing on the porch, staring at his father, who was staring at him back. The both smelled like angry alphas, only a minute away from fighting.

 

Since the whole episode of getting drunk and falling in sleep in the woods, Dean had decided to leave. He needed to get away from everyone, to start fresh. He had only graduated from high school, and his father didn’t want him to go anywhere. _It’s safer here, Dean_ , he would say. But it wasn’t. Not when Castiel was here.

 

Kate was inside the house with Adam. They were watching the fight from the window. Adam could barely reach to the window, but Dean could see the top of his head, and every once in awhile his eyes, as he was jumping up to see better. God, he loved that kid.

 

John stepped closer to Dean, ready to say or do something stupid. But then Sam came in between them.

 

“Hey!” He yelled, holding his father back. “Stop.”

 

The oldest alpha scoffed, and ruffled Sam’s hair gently, the anger leaving from his eyes. He looked at Dean.

 

“Son, you’re still welcome back. I hope you know that.” He said roughly. Neither of them were good at talking about their feelings, so hearing John say that was a breakthrough. Dean nodded curtly, not saying anything. He feared that he would tear up, if he did. Grumbling, Sam put his hair back in its place.

 

He was growing fast. Soon he probably was going to be taller than Dean, but he was never going to admit it. Seeing him protect Dean, even though he was younger, made Dean’s heart swell. Sam was brave and strong, but what really made him great, was that he also was kind. He wasn’t afraid to talk about his feelings, and it was one of the things Dean was so proud of.

 

Sam closed Dean into a hug.

 

“I’m going to miss you,” Sam whispered against Dean.

 

“Yeah, me too, kiddo,” he answered quietly, breathing in his brother’s mild scent. He hadn’t presented yet, but Dean just knew that he was going to be an alpha. They let each other go, and with a heavy heart, Dean walked away from their house. He didn’t want to look back, but he did.

 

All of them were standing on the porch, even Kate, watching him go. Adam raised his hand and waved wildly. Dean waved back to him, just to him. It was awful to leave his brothers, but he had to go. As he made his way to the rainstation, it was starting to rain. Groaning, he adjusted his leather jacket to cover him a bit more.

  


_-_

  


As Dean walks further, snow starts to fall from the sky again. He shoved his hands into his pockets to protect them from the cold weather. He wasn’t sure where he should go. He had even left the impala at his parent’s house. Dean raised his head, looking around him. Shit, he had no idea where he was or how long he had wandered around. There was a cemetery right next to him and - ah, someone was there. The guy kneeled to put a candle on one of the stones. Maybe Dean should ask him where the nearest hotel was, even though it was pointless. After all, the town hadn’t changed much since he had left, so the only hotel was probably in the center of the town. The man was wearing a beige coat and had an black umbrella, which was covering his face.

 

“Hey!” Dean waved his hand as he walked closer. He hoped that he wasn’t disturbing him too much, because it was a cemetery, and the guy must be mourning. The man got up again, but his umbrella was still blocking his face. When Dean was finally able to reach him, he slipped and fell to the ground. He groaned and lifted his head. He was face to face to the tombstone that the guy had been looking at. Fuck, if he hadn’t disturbed him before, well…

 

Just as he was ready to get and say sorry, he saw something familiar on the stone. It was the name that popped right out of it.

 

**Castiel Michael Novak**

 

**A great brother, son and a friend. An angel down on the earth, passed away too soon.**

 

It was, oh God, it was Castiel’s grave. Dean laid there, starting at the name, wishing that it would disappear. It was hard to believe, but at the same time it all made sense now. The fact that he hadn’t seen Castiel at all, or why nobody was talking about him. He was dead. All of these years Dean had had a small spark in him, hoping that maybe someday Castiel would be his. But now, the spark was gone. Forever. Tears were forming into his eyes, when Dean felt the guy move closer to him, so he looked up.

 

“Hello, Dean.”


	3. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He would never come back to Lawrence again.

Dean shivered from cold when he sat down on a chair. He should have taken his car, or at least something warmer than what he was currently wearing. As he was cursing himself, he felt a blanket being wrapped around him. Actually, maybe he was blessed that he forgot to take something warmer. Because then Castiel wouldn’t have invited him in. Dean looked at the man as he returned to the stove to put a kettle on it.

 

“Thanks.” Dean said and wrapped the blanket tighter around himself.

 

“How long were you outside, Dean?” Castiel asked, not turning around. Oh, how Dean loved to hear him say his name. It was like music to his ears. 

 

“Uhh, just a few minutes,” he lied, even though Castiel very well knew that it was a lie. But he didn’t say anything about it. The man sat down next to him with two cups.

 

“The tea takes only two minutes,” he promised and looked at Dean. And because he was looking at him, it meant that Dean could look at him too. It wasn’t weird. He hadn’t seen the face in many years, but he could never forget it. Dean could see that he was a quite a bit older, but still looked hot as fuck. He wondered what he was doing nowadays. Did he become a priest, like his father? He didn’t look like a priest. 

 

“Hey, if you don’t mind me asking,” Dean said, “what do you do nowadays?”

 

“I write. I have published quite a few books. “ Castiel told him. They sat there a bit too long quietly, as Dean tried to think of what to say or ask next.

 

“So…” Dean started awkwardly. “Why’s there a tombstone in the graveyard that has your name on it?”

 

Castiel leaned back on the chair and looked outside of the window. He looked so mysterious that for a minute Dean thought that he was a ghost. A pale scary ghost. No, not scary. Cute. 

 

“It was a joke from my older brother, Gabriel. I am sure you that have met him before. He thought it was funny, because when people would see it, they would get scared that I actually was dead.” He explained. 

 

“Sounds pretty fucked up,” Dean grumbled. The moment he saw the name his whole world had crumbled to the ground. He was lucky that Castiel was right there at the same time, all else he might have done something stupid.

 

“Gabriel’s jokes are usually quite odd. His humour is very unique,” Castiel said and got up when the kettle started to whistle. He poured hot water into the cups and offered Dean a teabag.  

 

“Thanks. You’re Michael’s brother, right?,” Dean decided to ask.

 

“My brother just got married to him. I didn’t see you at the wedding.” He continued. He was proud of himself for being so casual at talking to Castiel, like he hadn’t been in love with him for years. Everything was going so well. Dean watched intensely how Castiel twirled his tea with a spoon.

 

“Yes, he is my older brother. I was out of town at the moment, but I send them my regards. They will have a lovely future together, I’m sure. Michael has wanted to be a father since he presented.” he said, and raised the cup to his lips. If Dean wasn’t so utterly in love with him, he would have considered this conversation to be one of the most awkward ones he had ever had. Castiel didn’t talk much, and usually it would bother Dean. But he couldn’t care less, because for fuck’s sake, he was here, drinking tea with him. 

 

“Uh, yeah. I’m kind of excited about the baby too. It’s my first niece or nephew,” Dean smiled. Even though he absolutely hated Michael, he wanted to be the best uncle to to the kid. Of course, if the alpha would let him see the child. Jesus, what if he really denied Dean from visiting his niece/nephew. The thought was horrible. 

 

“Dean?”

 

Dean looked away from his mug, and saw that Castiel had put his hand on his thigh. Holy shit. He was touching him. 

 

“Play it cool.”

 

“Sorry?” Castiel asked, and Dean realized that he had said it out loud. 

 

“Oh shit, sorry dude. I’m just feeling a little out of it. Uhh...could I use the bathroom?” He asked quickly and got up, almost spilling the tea everywhere. 

 

“Sure. It is down the hall.” Castiel said, nodding his head towards the bathroom. Dean practically ran to the direction and shut the door quickly behind him. This wasn’t chill. He wasn’t chill. Nothing was chill. 

 

Dean wondered if Castiel knew about what he had done. Lawrence wasn’t small, but he still must have heard how fucked up Dean was. Gossip magazines were always trying to find dirt about him, ad it wasn’t that hard. He was always doing the wrong thing. Because if Castiel would know, he probably wouldn’t just offer him to come to his house and drink tea. But after all, this was Castiel. He probably wouldn’t care about who or what Dean was. And if he did, Dean was grateful that he hadn’t brought it up. 

 

Somehow he always managed to meet Castiel when it was raining outside. When he fell asleep in the woods, it was storming. When Castiel’s umbrella flew to the tree at the train station, it was raining. When he met Castiel at the graveyard, it was raining. Only, on that one time, it hadn’t rained. It was when Dean had met him for the first time, and fell in love with him. And when Dean was in town, Castiel had always been there, when something major had happened. Always. It was like destiny. Who cares if they both were alphas? If they just loved each other that would be enough.  

 

Then he heard a knock on the bathroom’s door.

 

“Dean? Are you alright?”

 

Shit. How long had he been in the toilet?

 

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry. Coming out soon.” He promised. Dean listened Castiel walk away from the door. He sighed and got up to wash his hands, even though he hadn’t even used the toilet.

 

When he was washing his hand, something on the sink caught his attention. He noticed a weird pill-bottle on it, and he took it to his hand to see what it was. To his surprise, they were heat-suppressants. Why would Castiel have heat-supp - oh.

 

Dean knew exactly why he would have them. It meant that Castiel had, fuck, why was Dean so slow? He sat down on the toilet, looking at the bottle. He could smell the omega in the house, how didn’t he understand it sooner? Castiel had someone. Of course he had someone, he was amazing. He deserved to be with an omega, not with Dean. The omega’s scent was all over the bathroom, and fuck,  it smelled fucking amazing. It was just Dean’s luck. His crush since forever was with someone who smelt like a fucking goddess. Castiel would never pick Dean over the sweet scented omega. This was the end of the game and he lost.

 

He felt like his world was coming down. Again. Just like an year ago, he was a sad loser, who just wanted to get something so strong it numbed his feelings away. He needed to get out of Castiel’s house, to get rid of the scent. He was done, done with everything. Dean’s hands were shaking as he placed the bottle back on the sink. 

  
  


He would never come back to Lawrence again. 


	4. Can't breath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wasn’t very famous, but famous enough for people to want to take pictures with him. But this movie might be the breakthrough he needed.

Dean walked through to the set to get a glass of water. He could always ask somebody to get it for him, but right now, he needed to do it himself. It felt nice to exercise a bit between the takes. At the moment the crew was shooting a fighting scene Dean’s character wasn’t in on. Sometimes it was still baffling that he was an actor. When he first had came into New york, he had taken a couple of modeling gigs to pay for his apartment. On one day, some random guy had called to him and asked if he had ever considered acting. And that was it. Dean had no idea how he had been so lucky, because usually people were begging for roles, and he had gotten a pretty big one right from the beginning. Now he had acted in tv-shows, movies… even in theatre once. 

 

He wasn’t very famous, but famous enough for people to want to take pictures with him. But this movie might be the breakthrough he needed. 

  
  


“Dean”

 

He jumped a bit when some female whispered closely into his ear. It was mandatory not to make any noise when they were filming, but god damn it, she still didn’t need to sneak up on him. Dean turned to see who was speaking to him. Ah, one of the assistants. She was holding a phone in her hand. 

 

“Yeah?” He whispered back, not knowing why she had came to him. 

 

“You’ve been getting calls all day. You have a break now, don’t you?” The brunette said, offering the phone, which Dean recognised to be his own. Assistants sometimes held actors phones with them, checking every once in awhile if they got any important calls or texts that they needed to answer.

 

“Uh, who’s been calling?” He asked, taking the phone and opening it. 

 

“He was put on as ‘my brother’s idiot husband’. I didn’t want to bother you as he didn’t seem to be important.” The girl told him. 

 

Dean was confused. Why was Michael calling him? Adam better be alright, or the guy was going to get it. 

 

“Thanks. If anyone asks, I’m at my trailer.” Dean said to the assistant, nodding towards the door close to them. 

 

“OK. I’ll come get you if they need you.” She promised. 

 

“Thanks again. It’s Abby, right?” 

 

“Yup.” Abby said smiling happily, surprised that he had remembered her name. To be honest, Dean wouldn’t have remembered if it wasn’t for her perky...well, yeah. He watched her go back to the corner of the room where the other assistants were chatting quietly, before he left to the trailer. 

 

Back at the trailer, Dean noticed that Michael had called him at least 16 times. He wondered why, because no other family member had tried to contact with him. He pressed the green button, and put the phone against his ear. Michael answered right away. 

 

“Hey, man I -”

 

_ “Dean.” _

 

Michael didn’t sound too great. Dean’s alarms started to ring. What the fuck had happened. 

 

“Michael.” Dean said, gritting his teeth. He wanted him to speak first. Maybe nothing had happened. Maybe Michael just wanted to give Adam a present and didn’t know what to get. Yeah that probably wasn’t it. 

 

_ “I need you to come back,” _ Michael said in a hurry.  _ “Now.” _

 

“Listen, I’m at the studio, filming. So if Adam’s alright, I have no reason to -”

 

_ “He’s in labor.” _

 

“Oh. He is?” Dean asked, sitting down. Well, it shouldn’t be that surprising, he was due soon. But still, why was Michael calling him? Wasn’t he supposed to be helping Adam. That fucking idiot. Dean leaned back on his chair, staring at the ceiling. 

 

_ “Yes. He wants you here. I need you to come back,” _ Michael repeated again, sounding very, very irritated. Dean rolled his eyes. Of course he wanted to be there, but it’s not like he could just zap his fingers and be there right away.

 

“Michael, I’m sure he can handle it without me. And the last time we spoke, I recall you wanting me to stay away from your family.” Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead. He needed to be back on set in five minutes. 

 

_ “No Dean, you do not understand. HE needs you to come back. He needs familiar alphas around him, and you and your brother are the closest ones to him. He will not do anything he is told. He is just sobbing your and Sam’s name. Sam is on the plane, he is going to be here in an hour.” _ Michael explained, clearly pacing back and forth by the sound of his feet. 

 

“You should be the closest alpha to him. What kind of a mate are you?” Dean hissed, getting angry. His baby brother was in pain, and his own mate couldn’t calm him down. Besides, it was not like Adam couldn’t do it without Dean there. It was just for comfort. And if Dean was anywhere near, he would come flying. Well, not flying. 

 

_ “ _ **_I am_ ** _ the closest alpha to him!” _ Michael roared.  _ “But he wants you!” _

 

“Give him the phone”

 

_ “What?”  _ Michael asked, a bit more chilled. 

 

“Give him the fucking phone. I’ll try to talk to him,” Dean said, hoping that Michael would obey. And he did. Because the second Dean had repeated himself, he was hearing some heart aching sobs. 

 

_ “Adam. Darling. It is Dean. Would you talk to him? Please?” _

 

He could hear Michael trying to calm his brother down. God, was labor really this awful? Because by the sound of it - jesus. There was some shuffling on the other line. 

 

_ “De?” _

 

Fuck. Adam’s voice was so tiny and broken that it made Dean want to scream. 

 

“Hi there. Heard the baby’s coming today.” He said, closing his eyes. He tried to his voice normal, but he was starting to feel terrified for his littlest brother. 

 

_ “Y-yeah. God, it’s fucking awful,” _ Adam sniffed. 

 

“But it’s only for a couple more hours, right? Then it’s all going to be alright.” Dean promised, squeezing a stress ball he had found from his trailers table.

 

_ “It’s probably going to take e-eighteen hours more” _

 

“Eighteen hours?” Dean asked shocked. He had thought that births only took about two hours, or maybe a bit more. If he hadn’t been scared before, he sure as hell was now. 

 

_ “And I really, really want you to be here. It would help with the pain, and you would get to see the baby. I know I sound like a baby myself, but I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t in such a pain,” _ Adam breathed in sharply. 

 

“I won’t be there in time. It takes more than ten hours to drive there. I’m at work right now and -”

 

There was a loud yell, followed by more sobbing and some cursing. 

 

_ “Everything is alright. You are doing great” _

 

Michael was talking again. Fuck. Was it Adam that had screamed? Births sucked. 

 

_ “Dean. If you are not coming here, I will hang you. Take the next flight. You’ll be here in less than four hours.”  _

 

Flight. That meant being on a plane. They wanted Dean to fly there. 

 

“No. It’s not happening. I can’t fly.” He said. He cringed when Adam started to sob louder. It was breaking his stupid heart in two. He wanted to be there for his little brother, but flying wasn’t an option. 

 

_ “Yes. You can.” _ Michael said, not leaving any room for arguments.

 

“No, I fucking can’t. I’m -” Dean took a deep breath. He didn’t want Michael to know about his fright, but he had to confess. 

 

“scared of flying, okay? I can’t do it.”

 

_ “Take Castiel with you” _

 

Dean’s heart skipped a beat. 

 

“Castiel? How can I take Castiel with me?” He asked, nervous. Was this a joke? It was a pretty bad one, and nobody knew that he liked Castiel. Also, Michael wasn’t a great joker, and Gabriel probably was nowhere near the place. 

 

_ “He is signing books in New York. I will text you the address” _

 

Castiel was in New York? Why didn’t Dean know about this? He hadn’t seen the man since Christmas, and wanted to keep it that way. 

 

“Why would he want to fly with me?” He asked, hoping that his voice didn’t crack too much. 

 

_ “Trust me. He will.” _

 

Without thinking, a word slipped past Dean’s lips. 

 

“Fine.”

 

* * *

 

Dean hopped out of a taxi, when it stopped in front of a big book store. It was probably one of the biggest one he had ever seen. It was quite cool that Castiel was so known. There were people waiting in line, which looked like it was never going to end, and there were huge banners stating that the Castiel Novak would be signing books between ten AM and four PM. 

 

There were so many people that the guards were holding the doors closed, not letting any people in. Every once in awhile they would let some people in, but only about two or three. How was Dean supposed to get past the crowd?

 

Actually, it would be pretty easy. He moved closer to the door, where the mass of people were chatting while holding books. 

 

“Excuse me.” Dean said to a group of girls who were in the front of the line, hoping that at least one of them would recognise him. 

 

“Oh my god. Are you -”

 

“Yeah. Listen, I would love to chat with you guys, but I really need to get inside, so could you let me past you?” He asked, wiping his hair back. Dean knew he needed to get Castiel fast, because the next plane was leaving in an hour, and they needed to be on that plane. The girls looked at each others, and then back at him. 

 

“Okay, I know you’re some sort of a celebrity, but we have been waiting for so long. Can’t you wait in line?” One of them asked, making Dean shake his head. 

 

“No, I really can’t. Mine and Cas’s nephew or niece is about to be born, and we need to go now. I promise that I will get you tons of autographs from him or even take you all out on dinner, just let me past you,” he pleaded, trying to recreate Sam’s puppy eyes to make the girls feel bad for him. They weren’t needed.

 

“You know Castiel Novak?! Oh my god, this is fucking amazing!” The girls started to squeal and scream, which wasn’t helping at all. Dean didn’t want to make everyone notice him, because then he would never get in. He shushed the girls. 

 

“I don’t want to make a scene. Please, can you -”

 

“Yes. Oh my god. Yes. I’m sorry, of course you can go in. Just get us the autographs, yeah?” A girl quickly wrote something on a piece of paper, Dean had no idea where she got that from, and handed it to him. Ah. A phone number. 

 

“I can’t thank you enough,” he said, as the door of the shop opened. The guard was ready to take the girls in, but they pushed Dean in front. Fuck. Even though he had made it inside, it looked like he still had to wait more to get to Castiel. The man, who was looking absolutely stunning, was signing books on a small stage. He was wearing a grey suit, with a black tie. So elegant. 

 

Shit. Dean didn’t have time for this. He looked around, and saw a chair next to him. Without thinking much, he climbed on it, and stood up straight. 

 

“Cas!” He yelled on top of his lungs, making everyone in the store to turn in his direction, including Castiel. The guard was making his way to him, thinking that he was just some crazy fan. Dean saw Castiel standing up, and him mouthing his name. He looked surprised, confused, but… happy? Nah, Dean was imagining it.  

 

People started to pull out their phones, probably to film everything. 

 

“We need to go!” He yelled, waving his hands to motion Castiel to come to him, because the guard was trying to rip him off from the chair. “Let me go! He needs to come with me!”

 

“Sure, pal.” The guard scoffed and pulled him down, locking his hands behind his back. 

 

“Stop!”

 

Dean raised his head, seeing that Castiel was right there. 

 

“I know him. You can let him go,” he said looking at the man that was holding Dean. He was released pretty quickly. 

 

“Ow. Jesus,” Dean complained, rubbing his wrist. He didn’t get to complain much, because Castiel got closer to him. 

 

“What is going on, Dean?” He asked, tilting his head a bit. Oh, he was looking like a snack. Dean shook his head. People were starting to talk again, taking pictures and getting much closer to them than before. They needed to get out. 

 

“Adam is in labor. We need to fly there.” He said briefly, and pretty loudly because of the noise. Castiel nodded, and -

 

took his hand. Oh God. Castiel was holding his hand, and leaning even closer. 

 

“Guide me,” he whispered into his ear, making Dean shiver. But again, he didn’t have time to fantasize, or jerk off, so he quickly pulled Castiel towards the door. He pushed through the crowd, while holding tightly Castiel’s hand, making their way to the yellow taxi that waiting for them. 

 

Dean didn’t know how they made it inside, because people were getting wild. 

 

“Go!” He yelled at the driver, who quickly pressed the gas. 

 

* * *

 

The adrenaline of running away from the fans and getting Castiel on the plane had run off. Now it was replaced by fear. Dean closed his eyes and tried to think of something nice. He and Castiel were sitting side by side, but even that wasn’t comforting enough for him. Dean had drank two drinks already, and the flight attendants refused to give him more before the plane was in the air. He had been furious, and said that they would ever fly in the same brand again. Not that Dean was ever going to fly again. Ever.

 

When the plane started to speed to get of the ground, Dean squeezed the seat’s handles so hard his knuckles were turning white. He almost missed how Castiel laid his hand on top of his. Almost. The plane started to rise off of the ground, and the alpha felt the pressure go down. He was going to die, he was sure of it.

 

Castiel was going to die too. No. This was all his fault. He never should have brought Castiel to the airplane. Now he was going to see him die before he told him about his…

 

“Dean.”

 

Dean opened one of his eyes to look at Castiel, who was looking at him, maybe a bit worried. 

 

“Yeah?” He croaked, closing his eyes again as he felt the plane go down a bit.

 

“Would you like to scent me?” He heard the other alpha ask, and stroke his hand.

 

“Huh?”

 

“Scenting could make you calmer”

 

Dean had no idea why Castiel wanted him to scent him. Scenting another alpha wouldn’t probably be very calming, even though it was Castiel, the love of his life. Dean actually had no idea what Castiel’s smelled like. He must be using a lot of scent-blockers, since he didn’t even pick up the scent at his house. Maybe Castiel’s omega wanted him to do so, but it still sounded odd. Dean was very curious, and nothing was going to make the situation any worse. 

 

He nodded, and watched how Castiel asked the stewardess to bring some sort of a wet towel. They usually gave them after the yucky airplane food to the passengers to wipe their hands on. When Castiel got the towel, he gently rubbed his neck with it. Dean was terrified, but he still thought that it was one of the most hottest things he had ever seen. Him wiping up and down something wet on his neck. Oh yeah. But then the plane started to shake, and his interest was quickly gone. He felt Castiel’s hand on his shoulder, pressing him into his arms.

 

Dean’s nose was in Castiel’s neck, and he breathed in. The scent, it was -

 

What.

 

Dean’s heart skipped a beat. Two beats. Three beats. Was it even beating anymore?

 

The scent. The scent was the same as in the house. It was the most delicious, vibrant and beautiful scent he had ever, ever smelled before. 

 

Castiel was an omega.

 


	5. Chilling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean rushed into the hospital, and went straight to the reception. He slammed his hands against the table, getting the nurse’s attention right away.
> 
>  
> 
> “Adam Winchester. I’m Dean Winchester, his brother. What’s the number of the room?” He asked, panting a bit. He waited for the nurse to type Adam’s name on the computer, trying to locate his brother. She shook her head.

God, Castiel wasn’t kidding when he said that his scent would be calming. Dean melted into a puddle, and just leaned on him, nose mushed on his neck. It was heavenly, so, so heavenly.

 

He was only focusing on the scent, not caring about the surroundings. If he were to die soon, he didn’t care. Why would he even care, he had everything. Castiel didn’t have a mate. He could smell it from him, there was no other scent. Just one, and it was great. Castiel was great. Everything was great.

 

“Sir, are you alright?” He heard someone ask, but he couldn’t answer. He just mumbled something, digging his fingernails into Castiel’s chest. Dean wanted to rip his clothes off of him, and take him right there.

 

“He is a bit scared of flying. We are fine, thank you,” Castiel spoke. Dean growled quietly. He only wanted Castiel to talk to him, not to anybody else. He almost purred when the man started to stroke his hair gently.

 

“We are landing in half an hour. Could you make sure he stays seated upright?”

 

“Yes, thank you.” Castiel said while caressing Dean in his arms.

 

Wow. Dean actually didn’t want the plain to land. He could stay up in the air forever.

 

Forever. Air. Up in the air. Air. Air. Air. Up in **the air**. Shit. They were trapped in the air, and he couldn’t get out. He needed to get out. Dean felt his throat closing, and he couldn’t breath.

 

“Dean. We are in Lawrence soon. Keep your eyes closed.” Castiel whispered, fooling Dean to think that they weren’t in danger. It worked. Because Dean felt like he was floating, in a good way, not like he was trapped in a plane.

 

* * *

 

 

Dean rushed into the hospital, and went straight to the reception. He slammed his hands against the table, getting the nurse’s attention right away.

 

“Adam Winchester. I’m Dean Winchester, his brother. What’s the number of the room?” He asked, panting a bit. He waited for the nurse to type Adam’s name on the computer, trying to locate his brother. She shook her head.

 

“I’m sorry, but there’s no Adam Winchester registered in here”

 

“What?! But he is in this hosp-”

 

Castiel gently pushed Dean to the side.

 

“Try Adam Novak.” He said, with his gentle, husky voice, while still keeping a hand on Dean’s shoulder. Everything about him was so gentle. The way he talked, the way he moved...even his scent was gentle. The nurse nodded.

 

“Room number 342. Before you go in, I was informed to tell you that -”

 

Dean didn’t listen. He ran straight to the elevator, pushing an up button. He knew that any room that started with a number three had to be on a third floor. He just hoped Adam was doing alright. He had sounded pretty bad on the phone.

 

Adam raised his head and smiled.

 

“Oh hey guys,” He said, not lowering his cards. “Wanna play the fish?”

 

Dean couldn’t believe it. They all were so calm, just playing a card game together. Had the baby already - no, Adam’s stomach was still round. What the fuck had happened? Had it been just a hussle?

 

“What, I - uh, what?” He asked, putting his hands on his knees, taking some time to breath. Castiel patted his back, you guessed it, gently.

 

“Didn’t the nurse tell you? They gave me the wrong meds, now everything is going smoothly.” Adam explained. “Mike, got any sixes?”

 

Michael, who looked very unpleased, gave his grinning husband two cards from his hand.

 

“Sweet.” The omega said, and turned to look at Dean and Castiel again. Dean, after collecting himself, walked to the bed, and wrapped his arms around his little brother. He lowered his nose to his hair, scenting him lightly. There was nothing unusual in his scent, and it was enough evidence for Dean that he was okay.

 

“Aww. Someone was scared.” Sam teased getting up and reaching over the bed to pat Dean’s shoulder.

 

“Sam, I can see your cards.” Michael said.

 

“Ah, damn it.” the tallest man said, hiding the cards in his pocket. He raised his head and nodded to Castiel.

 

“Oh, hey. I hope Dean didn’t crush your hand.”

 

“Shut it.” Dean grumbled against Adam. He didn’t want to let go of him. “Where’s dad and Kate?”

 

“I didn’t want them here. Mom would just fuss so much that I would turn crazy, and you know dad.”

 

“I hope you know how spoiled you are. I flew here just for you.” Dean said. He was glad that Kate wasn’t there, because she would go on and on about how alphas shouldn’t fear such silly things.

 

“I know.” Adam smiled, hugging Dean back. “Thanks for coming.” He whispered.

  


“Sam, do you have any threes?” Michael asked after a minute of silence.

 

“Fuck.” Sam threw himself back on his chair, dug up his cards from his pockets and gave Michael three of them. Dean had never seen Michael smiling so wildly.

  



	6. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “A simple man.” He said out loud, and opened the book. He hoped that it was good, since he wanted to support Castiel’s writing. It would be hella awkward if he didn’t. Or maybe not, because he wasn’t planning to get in touch with him anyway. Dean leaned back on the bed holding the book in front of him.

Sunny Katie Novak was born on Thursday. She was a cute little girl, with just a hint of blonde hair on top of her head. Dean had been one of the first ones to hold her, and it had been one of the happiest moments in his life. He could already tell that she was going to be even more spoiled than Adam, God bless that little brat.

 

After some talk, Dean had decided to stay in Lawrence for awhile. He wanted to help Adam and Michael with Sunny, even though they really didn’t need any help. Dean had missed his brothers a lot, so hearing that Sam was also staying for at least a week was making everything twice as better they would have been if Sam had been in Stanford. Dean had taken some time off from work, promising to film the last bits of the movie in a few weeks tops.

 

Life was starting to feel a great again. Until Castiel started coming around. For a moment Dean had forgotten about him, just focusing on his little niece. But as Castiel was there, he only could think of him and how amazing his scent was. Jesus, Dean would really like to taste him.

 

On one evening, after some slight snack before bed, Michael opened his mouth as Dean was just about to go and get some sleep.

 

“Have you ever read his books?”

 

Dean turned to look at Michael.

 

“What?” He asked.

 

“Have you ever read his books?” Michael repeated.

 

“Whose?”

 

“Castiel’s”

 

“No. Why would I have?”

 

Dean didn’t read a lot, and he sure as hell wouldn’t read what his crush since 98’ had written. He would feel like a crazy stalker. Besides, he had learned that Castiel was a writer only a few months ago, and he had been busy.

 

And why was Michael even asking that? It was weird, like they knew about his deal with Castiel.

 

“I see.” Michael said, while sharing a look with Adam. He shook his head, laughing a bit. “You should.”

 

“Thanks for the tip, dude. I think I’m going to pass.” Dean said, and walked upstairs, grumbling on his way to his room. What an odd thing to say. Why should Dean read his books? Maybe Castiel wanted to turn one of them into a movie, and ask Dean’s advice. Nah, probably not.

 

After laying about for an hour in the bed, Dean noticed that he couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t think about anything else than Castiel and his books. Why did Michael want him to read them? There had to be a reason. He wasn’t going to get any sleep if he didn’t find about why. But where was he even going to get those book in this time of a night?

 

Dean sat up, stretching his arms out. He yawned, closing his eyes. He might as well go watch tv downstairs, since he wasn’t sleeping anyway. Dean turned the lamp on, so he could see something in the dark. But as he was getting up, he saw something on the bookshelf of his room. He huffed smiling. The shelf was filled with books that Castiel had written. Now was his chance. He took one out of the shelf, reading the backside of it.

 

The book was about a man, who was looking for a meaning to continue living. Geez, Castiel wrote some dark stuff. He turned the book around, to see the title.

 

“A simple man.” He said out loud, and opened the book. He hoped that it was good, since he wanted to support Castiel’s writing. It would be hella awkward if he didn’t. Or maybe not, because he wasn’t planning to get in touch with him anyway. Dean leaned back on the bed holding the book in front of him.

 

* * *

 

 

When the morning came, Dean slammed the book on the breakfast table where Adam, Michael and Sunny were currently at. Adam raised his eyebrows.

 

“Didn’t like it?” He asked, patting Sunny’s back.

 

“Didn’t like it? I loved it! Hell, he’s amazing! They was he describes feelings, it’s just - just amazing. I can’t believe I had never read any of his books before!” Dean exclaimed, sitting down, taking the book back on his hands again. He stared at it with a passion. Wow. He wanted it to be a movie. It would be amazing to get to act in it. He needed to talk to Castiel.

 

“So?” Michael asked, leaning towards Dean.

 

“So? Dude, I already said that I loved it. Read the whole thing last night.” Dean told him, not sure what Michael was after for.

 

“Nothing seemed familiar to you?” He asked, sharing, once again, knowing look with Adam. Dean looked at the confused.

 

“No, not really. Just tell me.” Dean said, looking at the book. Had he missed something.

 

“Dean. It’s about you”

 

Dean’s mouth opened just a little bit. About him? No, it was about some depressed dude who wasn’t sure if he wanted to live anymore. The man was nothing like him.

 

“No it isn’t.” He said, trying to recreate Sam’s famous bitch-face, failing pretty badly. Shit, he really needed to get a lesson or two from that man. His facial expressions were just too damn good.

 

“Well, it is not about you, exactly. But try to remember the first chapter again.” Michael coaxed him.

 

Dean scrunched his forehead. On the first chapter, with the main character, there had been a man. The book didn’t have any names in it, but the man, who wasn’t the main character, had left and that had made the main dude start to question his own life. But what did have to do with him?

 

“Castiel started to write when you had left. That book you are holding was his first book. It was a best-seller for years. Did you not notice how he spilled his feelings on it? The man, the who had left him, is exactly like you , Dean. He was tall, broad, even had green eyes. Dean, Castiel was thinking of you.” Michael explained to him, putting his newspaper away. Had he been reading that the whole time?

 

“Ever since then, in every book that he has written, you have been in them in some way or another. Sometimes you are the main character, or a cashier at the store. But you are always in them, Dean. Always.”

 

It couldn’t be true. How could Castiel like Dean so much?

 

“B-but he doesn’t even know me.” He whispered.

 

“Dean, don’t you love Castiel? Don’t try to say no, I have seen how you look at him.” Adam said, smiling as Sunny sucked on her pacifier.

 

“Uh. I guess so.” Dean said, not wanting to lie anymore.

 

“Well,  you don’t know him really either, and you still love him. Why can’t he love you?” His brother asked.

 

Yeah. Why couldn’t he?

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel was enjoying his afternoon tea, when someone rang his doorbell. He wondered who it might be, since he had not made any plans with anyone. The surprise was quite big, when he opened the door. Because the man behind it, was no other than Dean Winchester, a man who he had wanted since he had met him. Dean was holding something, something big.

 

“You like bees, right?”

 

Castiel batted his eyelids, raising his gaze back to Dean from the big wooden box.

 

“Bees?” He asked, keeping his tone even.

 

“Yeah. I-I got you a beehive. You could put it on your backyard.” The alpha explained, holding out the box to him. Castiel took it, slightly confused. Why would Dean buy him something like that? He didn’t say anything, but waited him to speak again.

 

“I don’t ask for much, Cas,” he said. “but there’s something I need.”

 

“Yes?” Castiel asked, waiting for more.

 

“I need you.”

 

And just like that, Dean reached over the beehive, and pressed his lips against Castiel’s own.

 

-

 

“Alright. It’s all set.” Dean said, as he stepped back from the beehive. They had putten it at the corner of Castiel’s garden. Castiel was standing next to a flowerbed, his arms crossed over his chest. It was odd to see Dean there, in his garden, putting up a beehive he had gotten for Castiel.

 

“Is it good?” the man asked, walking back to him. Castiel nodded. What was going on?

 

“Why were you there?”

 

“Where?” Castiel looked at Dean. Was this a dream? It must be.

 

“At the train station. On the day I left. Why were you there?” Dean asked again, looking for an answer from Castiel’s eyes. The man didn’t flinch under the gaze, nor broke the eye contact. He simply tilted his head, and smiled a bit.

 

“Is it not rather obvious, Dean?” He asked.

 

“No, it’s not. What the fuck dude, how am I suppose to know why you were there? There are about tons of reasons,” Dean said frustrated and threw his hands into the air. Then he lowered them, slowly, like he was giving up. What a strange man.

 

“Stop acting like that, I can’t take this anymore,” he begged, and closed his eyes, “just tell me. Just tell me, _please_.”

 

Castiel took a hold of his hand, and watched him slowly open his eyes again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I know that the book thing is a bit weird, and maybe I'll fix it someday :D.
> 
>  
> 
> See yah <3


	7. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly Dean wasn’t so calm anymore. He got up to sit slowly, confused. Castiel had never asked about it before, and this was a very odd situation to bring it up. The omega looked at Dean, but he didn’t show much expression. Dean had no idea what he was thinking.

Being with Castiel hadn’t been what Dean had expected. The omega was quiet, and rarely showed any affection to him when they were outside of the house. But the little things were what really counted. When Dean would fall asleep on the sofa, he would wake up to find his head on Castiel’s lap and a blanket on top of him. Castiel would softly stroke his hair and read a book.

 

Still, just sometimes, the silence was driving Dean crazy. But when he was away from Castiel, back in his own apartment, he found himself missing the lovely silence. New York was so loud. The set was always loud. Everything was so loud. Everytime he closed his eyes, he pictured to be in Castiel’s house, holding him, petting him, letting him sleep in his embrace.

 

He wanted to go back, he didn’t have anything in NY anymore. The big movie he had starred in had been a hit, but not the breakthrough he had needed. To be a real star he needed to put more effort into his work and mingle with random producers. He started turning down offers, and didn’t take more gigs as an actor. That part of his life was over. His mind always went back to Castiel, and to his early dreams of a life he could’ve had. He could’ve been a mechanic, stayed in the city, and talked to Castiel earlier. They would have kids, at least three, and a swingset on the backyard. The thought of it was squeezing his heart. He would’ve had everything.

 

It wasn’t too late to start a life with him. Because, hell, Castiel had waited him to come back for years. Surely they both could wait a little more on the other stuff. Dean didn’t want to hurry. Actually, he very much did, but couldn’t. He was afraid that he would ruin Castiel and hurt him in ways he didn’t want to. Sam always comforted him, reminding him that it wouldn’t happen. He was a great guy, after all.

 

Dean felt like Castiel was erasing every dent he had in his self-esteem, making him pure again. He was forgiving Dean’s every sin, listening when he had something to confess. He even liked the softness of Dean’s body.  Because the way Castiel was seeing the world was amazing.

 

“The world is beautiful. A bit foggy, but beautiful. _”_ Castiel had said, when he was writing something on his notebook. In that notebook, he had all his new ideas for his books. They had been in his garden, watching bees. The man had absolutely loved the beehive, even though Dean kind of hated it. Who wanted bees in their garden?

 

As Dean laid down on the grass, he let the air play with his hair. He listened how Castiel’s pen was moving on the paper, stopping every once awhile, as he was thinking. Suddenly Dean realized that Castiel was never quiet. He was always doing something that made noise. When he was reading, he would flip the pages with a gentle rustle. As he was writing with a computer, the keys were making noise.

 

Dean rolled onto his side to look at him. Castiel was sitting his leg crossed, writing intensely. The wind was moving his hair just a little bit, and sometimes he would swipe it back to stay out of his eyes. Dean smiled, and closed his eyes again, letting Castiel focus.

 

 

“Dean?”

 

“Mm?” Dean murmured quietly.

 

“Why did you overdose two years ago?”

 

Suddenly Dean wasn’t so calm anymore. He got up to sit slowly, confused. Castiel had never asked about it before, and this was a very odd situation to bring it up. The omega looked at Dean, but he didn’t show much expression. Dean had no idea what he was thinking.

 

“I, uh,” Dean started. “How much do you know?”

 

“Not much.” Castiel answered, turning to look at the sky, then back to Dean.

 

Dean gulped quietly. When he had been 26, just filmed his first movie, he had fallen into a pit. Nothing was satisfying him, and he hated everything about his life. Himself, his so called friends, and fuck, even his work. Dean had felt like he didn’t matter to anyone, and it had been eating him up alive.

 

“Okay. So, yeah. I didn’t have a great life, Cas. I just needed to feel something else than sadness, and I was offered an easy getaway. I got some drugs, I don’t even remember what they were, and took them. I felt good, so good. So I kept going. I think I was on drugs the whole year, really. One day, I was just done. I wanted everything to stop, I didn’t want to feel hurt anymore. Next thing I know, I woke up from hospital. I don’t know what else to tell.”

 

“Were your family there? At the hospital?” Castiel asked, with a hushed voice. He was close to him, he could tell.

 

“Yeah. It was the most awful part. Sammy, he, uh, was devastated. Tried to make me feel better, he didn’t blame me at all. Adam just kept asking how could I have kept it as a secret. They had no idea that I was feeling like shit. Dad and Kate, well, they were disappointed.” Dean told him, biting his lips. He didn’t like talking about it.

 

“Cas, I don’t want to go back. I want to stay with you.”

 

After year and half, Dean found himself asking if Castiel wanted to mate with him. He did. After two years, they got married.

 

Dean didn’t read books, until he finally moved in with Castiel. Well, he only read Castiel’s books. It was funny to read a story, and then realize that he was in it. It was the main reason why Dean enjoyed of his partner’s books, because he always waited  for the scene where he was in. He especially liked them when he was a plumber or hot firefighter. Okay, there was no scene where he was either of those, but he kept begging Castiel to make his character into one. On one day, Castiel dropped a pile of papers in front of Dean, promising that he would love the new book. And, he did. Because in that book, Dean was indeed a hot firefighter, who also could fix your tap if you needed him to. As Dean read the book, he giggled along the way.

 

When they had found out Castiel was pregnant, Dean had been over the freaking moon. It was something that he had always secretly hoped for. A cute little kid with him. They had been married for only two weeks, and hadn't really even tried, but it was a blessing, as Castiel always said. Their son was born in May.

 

Jack Novak-Winchester was everything to Dean. He was oddly proud about anything he did, even if it really wasn't anything special. Jack could sneeze and Dean would think that he was a genius. Castiel sometimes laughed at him, teasing about him turning into a helicopter-parent. The baby months went by quickly, and Jack was soon three.

 

Dean was sitting on the floor, and resting his head against his hand. He flicked the nightlight on, just in case, so everything would be peaceful during the night. As the light went on, he could see a bit better in the dark.

 

"Sleep tight, bud." He whispered as he gently caressed his son's cheek. Jack was tucked tightly in his bed, having already closed his eyes. His mouth was slightly parted which told Dean that he was really asleep. The man slowly got up, and quietly left from the room, leaving the door just a bit open.

 

He walked to the kitchen, stretching and yawning at the same time. His husband was sitting by the table, writing something, like always. Dean glanced at the clock, deciding that it was also their time to go to sleep.

 

"Is he sleeping?" Castiel asked when Dean wrapped his arms around his shoulders. The alpha pressed his nose into his neck.

 

"Yeah." He answered smiling a little. It was never too hard to put Jack into sleep, he kind of just lulls off when the evening comes. Castiel typed something with his free hand as he caressed Dean's neck with the other.

 

"We should go to sleep." He said and closed the computer.

 

"Did you save the file?" Dean asked as he lifted his chin up and put it on Castiel's shoulder. He felt him shaking his head.

 

"No. It saves it automatic." He told taking his mug from the table, slowly rising, leaving Dean time to get out of the way. Dean smiled gently as he watched him place the mug in the sink and then correcting his robe. When Castiel made his way back to him, he noticed a tea kettle in the sink as well.

 

"Did you make decaf tea?" He asked.

 

"No, it was regular tea." The omega informed, and looked at him.

 

"Cas, we had a deal," Dean frowned, "you need to lay off the tea. It's late anyway."

 

"One cup will not hurt."

 

"You don't know that."

 

Castiel just hummed softly and pecked Dean's lips, not responding to him anymore. They've had the argument many times before, so Dean didn't feel like continuing to go on about it. He was sure Castiel felt the same.

 

* * *

 

 

"Don't you have to wake up at five?" Dean asked. After getting upstairs, Castiel had picked a book to read, and was currently sitting on the bed, sheets pulled to his lap.

 

When Jack was born, Castiel and Dean had decided that Castiel should continue to work and the alpha would take care of the baby. After all, Dean didn't really have anything to do since he quit acting. Castiel was also quite a lot at home as well, because writing didn't acquire much. He just needed his laptop. But sometimes he needed to travel to different cities to attend to book signings or just needs some inspiration. On the next day, he was going to Washington DC.

 

"Yes." Castiel answered and flipped the page. Dean sighed and closed the light on his side of the bed, and wiggled closer to his spouse.

 

"Sweetheart, you know I love you, but you need to take it easy, okay?" he pressed he book down on Castiel's lap, slowly taking it away from him. Dean placed the book on the nightstand.

 

"I can deal with only a few hours of sleep, Dean." Castiel said, but also laid down, putting his hand under his head, staring at Dean, almost challenging him. Dean huffed and pulled him closer, pressing his head against Castiel's chest.

 

"I really want to come with you." Dean sighed as he stroked Castiel's back.

 

It was embarrassing to him to be unable to fly. Usually Dean offers to drive Castiel, but because they had Jack, it was always a bit of a hussle to travel by car with the toddler. Besides, Castiel sometimes got car sick. Flying was by far the easiest way to travel, and it really sucked. For Dean, mostly.

 

"You can drive me to the airport." Castiel promised and kissed his head gently.

 

Dean moved lower, until he faced Castiel's stomach. He put his hands on each side of it and rubbed it softly with his thumbs. He felt Castiel pulling the blanket lower, probably to see what he was doing down there.

 

"Just checking." Dean said and kissed the stomach.

 

"Checking what?"

 

"That you're eating enough."

 

"You said the other day that I was showing." Castiel said, placing his hand under his belly and moving it against it. Dean smiled.

 

"You are, you know. But it's good," he said and pulled himself back on the same level as Castiel's head. "makes you look healthier."

 

Castiel chuckled gently and closed his eyes smiling.

 

"You just like babies." He said and hummed when Dean kissed his neck.

 

"I also like you."

 

"You do?"

 

"I do."

 

* * *

 

 

"You got it?"

 

"Yes."

 

Dean let Castiel take his suitcase out of the trunk. He had packed everything in the morning, claiming that it was the right way to do. Dean was pretty sure that he did this only because he always forgot to pack it the night before. They were standing in front of the airport, impala next to them on the ten-minute parking lot.

 

"You sure this is warm enough?" Dean asked, referring Castiel's trench coat, which, to be honest, looked at bit too cold for the weather.

 

"It is fine, I have used this for years." He smiled and stroked Dean's cheek, leaning for a quick kiss.

 

"Call me when you get there, yeah?" He asked, kissing him again, a bit more slowly this time.

 

"I will."

 

Dean let go of him, letting him grab his case and walk to the doors. He was used to these "quick" good-byes. Besides, he couldn't let Jack be in the car too long, even though he was still sleeping. Dean leaned back, looking at Castiel. When he turned back, he waved to the man, grinning as he waved back. Dean knew Castiel missed his little family every time he was away, even though he rarely said so.

 

Sometimes Dean would wake up, covered in cold sweat, fearing that he was still back in NY, alone as always. And when he would reach for the sleeping pills that were on the nightstand, someone would gently tug him closer. As Dean felt the warm body against him, he would know that he wasn’t alone anymore. He would leave the pills, and bask in the love he was given from Castiel. Nothing could ever beat the feeling of being a little spoon and feeling the small puffs against of his neck. God. His life was perfect.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, all done! I'll probably make a sequel to this, you never know! A huuuge thank you to the artist (Diminuel, check her out!) and the beta (MAPMonstersArePerceptions). 
> 
>  <33


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